Goblin Talk

As the sun rose over the plains of Africa this morning (and the water logged area that was Johannesburg), there were many people jumping out of bed, quite happy to face the day while they ate their breakfast of air and…more air. For today is the 25th and many will finally be paid for the month. Hip hip hooray. January was a month that was cold, dark and filled with salticrax, but at last, that is all over.

We all face the problem every year. Christmas pretty much bends us over a table and has a chocolate starfish feast without ever asking us if it’s okay. In other words, we get anally raped. Keep up darlings. So what happens when Christmas has had it’s fill? Well, people find themselves with that horrible little thing called…debt.

Okay so most live with debt every day of the year, Christmas just makes it worse. However, I’m here now to teach you the secret of living debt free. All you have to do is forget that you’re an adult with responsibilities and throw caution to the wind and throw out all those things you think you need…like credit cards for one.

Actually I’m quite amazed when I look at most of the people I know around my age and how much debt they’ve acquired – excluding those who have things like student loans and big ‘ol important things. Those don’t count. I mean those who’ve just accumulated debt through credit cards and store cards and generally living beyond their means like a bunch of fucking idiots.

See now while I admit that it is an inconvenience at times not to have the convenience of one of those little plastic cards, I know enough about myself to know that it’d be a HUGE mistake to have one. You start off with good intentions: “Oh I’ll pay it off every month. I just want it for the convenience factor”. Then you have a tough month where you had some unforseen expenses and it becomes: “Okay I’ll pay the minimum this month and then pay the rest off next month” and then it just carries on and on and on. I shall not fall into this almighty trap.

I know what you’re saying right now. You’re saying, “But Tara, what about that PS3/XBox/Refrigerator/New monitor that I want to buy, that’s too expensive to buy in one go, I need to pay it off monthly”. Well, you see friends, this is why savings exist. I don’t believe in paying anything off (except you know, emergencies, houses and cars…unless you can pay cash, then what kind of crime are you in? And good for you I suppose) over 2 or 3 years. I’m a firm believer in if you can’t pay for it at once, then you really don’t need another gaming console. I mean, by the time you finish paying half these things off you haven’t only spent at least 20% more than it’s worth, but it’s also out of date.

Now it’s been a while since I quit my job so my savings have run ever so dry but, when I did quit (by the way, that full story will be coming sometime this week), I had been a good little hoarder and saved up enough each month to live off for a while. All through making sure to save at least 10% of the old paycheck.

Funnily enough, people who knew me growing up are amazed that I have this attitude. Mainly because I was a spoilt brat and they all assumed I didn’t know how to work with money or budget. But you see friends, that’s where they were mistaken. Honestly, I knew I was spoiled and I knew I had a good deal and I appreciated the fuck out of it, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t pay attention. As a kid, my savings account was always empty because well, I got my pocket money and had things to buy like Micro Machines…but that’s only because I knew there were adults around doing adult stuff and making sure I was all good. What can’t you do in childhood if not enjoy your pocket money (if you’re fortunate enough) before growing up and having to endure the harsh realities of life?

So let’s sum up shall we?

1.) Don’t get a credit card. They’re evil. They will cause you problems whether you intend them to or not.

2.) Only pay things off if you absolutely need to. If it’s something you don’t need to live, then you don’t need it and you can save up for it.

3.) When you can, put aside money from your paycheck into savings for a rainy day.

4.) Don’t be a fucking moron.

Of course sometimes you can’t actually avoid debt. In those situations, well, make a plan to pay it off and stick to it. If it means you can’t have the latest summer wardrobe this year, then tough. You’ve probably got clothes, you don’t need more. Especially around Christmas time. Don’t let those presents bite you in the ass and put you into more debt. Especially if you expect a Christmas bonus at work only to get a little surprise at the last minute.

Anyway, it’s Monday morning which means it’s time for the weekly reminder that I’m looking for a job. If you know of anything or anyone looking for a slave/dedicated little Goblin drop me a comment or use the contact form or whatever.

Now go on and have a fantastic week.

We’re oh so serious around here this morning aren’t we?

It’s Saturday! Time to do all sorts of kak, and here’s a song to get you started.

After 6000 so kindly shared his discovery of Die Antwoord, I went on a search for this awesomely crude local talent. I thought this was just lovely. As long as you don’t let your kids listen and stuff.

Waar is my hond?

Hello 2010.

I’ve come to the party a bit late but I have, at last, arrived.

New Years was pretty epic to say the least. I worked my way through the cocktail menu quite methodically, including having a fishbowl pretty much to myself. Remember how I said I would try and put up photo’s? Well…there weren’t too many. After the third or so drink, I was pre-occupied with getting another one and the old man forgot his camera at home. That’s not to say there weren’t any though.

Believe it or not, she was actually the sober one. Really.

The old man was determined to get a pouting photo. It's like a pudgy, decrepit, pouting Indiana Jones.

Guess who? Yup. Drunk.

Yay, a couple. Actually, those are just the few I’ve taken off the camera so far where you can actually see something. There are one or two of the Boyf too but I’m not allowed to post those. Such a spoilsport.

After the mad rush that was Christmas, I was looking forward to a bit of a calmed down, quiet time. Until I remembered that I’m still in the five months from hell period.

You see, our family can’t have birthdays spread out. Nope. They’re all clustered together in a pain in the ass way starting in November.

November – Boyfs mom’s birthday

December – Christmas and New Years Eve

January – Moms birthday

February – Boyf and brothers birthday

March – Dad and brother’s girlfriends birthday

Luckily, we get a break in April before the blessed event of my birthday in May.

In other words, I came out of Christmas with about as much money as MC Hammer these days with Mummy darlings birthday on the horizon. In fact, it was just yesterday where I went, “Oh fuck. Her birthday is on Tuesday already.” And not just any birthday, it’s her goddamned 60th. And yep, you guessed it, the fuckwit that is my pouting father had fuckall planned. Nada. Zip. Zero.

So in a flurry (and with some ingenius thinking on my part), a plan was whipped up that Mumsy would enjoy. I wouldn’t, but that’s not the point now is it? And just like that, the first supposed quiet weekend of the year has now turned into a drive out to Franschhoek to see a museum, have a picnic and then driving to Paarl to see some…Butterfly World or something. Nothing too fantastic (come on, we’re poor here, it’s January), but stuff she’ll enjoy and appreciate at least.

Now all I have to do is pack the picnic.

Oh dear.

This weekend was a particularly heart breaking one for me. In all my infinite wisdom, I suggested to my folks after a lovely Saturday lunch that we should pop on over to DARG (Domestic Animal Rescue Group) so I could have a look around at the pupperoos and see if they wanted our unwanted stuff.

Unfortunately, while walking around there was more than one pupperoo there to start my waterworks and by the time we left I was completely depressed. In fact, if you’re interested, there’s a lovely Mastiff looking for a loving family after his callously decided to emigrate and abandon him to fate. He’s an absolutely beautiful creature with the saddest eyes I have ever seen. I swear, if I had the room for such a big dog I would have started the adoption process right then and there.

EDIT: Checked the Facebook group and found a picture of him. His name is Otto. “+-7yr old male Argentinian Mastiff (aka. Dogo Argentino). Owners emigrated. Very affectionate and well mannered. Excellent around children. Prefers the company of female dogs. NO CATS.”

There was a wee young lass that did catch my eye though. She’s a small black…mixed breed and is an absolute gem. Seemed playful with the other dogs and was very loving whilst I played with her. Unfortunately, the Nazi Leadership in our house has said that I can’t adopt a pupperoo until I’m making more money from home so, I’ve had to let go any hope of running over there and snagging her up. So if a big dog like the Mastiff isn’t for you, there is a small young girl by the name of Cody that will be the perfect small dog for anyone.

Cat people, don’t despair, DARG also currently has oodles and oodles of kittens and cats in every flavour.

Onto the real meat of the post though.

I know many people aren’t looking to adopt the perfect mutt that will love them through thick and thin, and considering what a year it’s been, many people can’t afford it. That being said, you can afford to give up cigarettes or cake for a day and make a small donation.

DARG are currently trying to raise just under R1000 for some medecine for their pupperoos. I believe it’s arthritus medication for the older guys and girls but don’t quote me on that. I was too heartsore by the time I read the signage.

So if you can afford to give away anything, even if it’s like R10, please consider donating it to this wonderful organisation. They don’t receive grants of any kind and rely solely on people’s kindness to take care of all those wonderful animals, all the while having a no kill policy. They also do some wonderful work in the Hout Bay community by educating people on how to take care of their animals.

If you DO want to make a donation:

There are a number of ways in which you could make a donation to DARG:

* If you have telephone banking you can phone your bank to make a direct payment to DARG using the account details below.

* If you have on-line banking you can make a transfer directly from your bank account to DARG’s via the internet.

* If you do not have access to either of the above you can simply go into the nearest Standard Bank and make your deposit via a teller.

* You could also visit the adoption centre on Main Road, Hout Bay, where we can take your cash donation and give you a tour.

Bank details for once-off donations:

Bank:  Standard Bank
Beneficiary:  DOMESTIC ANIMAL RESCUE GROUP
Account No:  071041273
Branch:  Sea Point
Branch Code:  024109
Swift Code:  SBZAZAJJ

If you wish to sponsor a particular animal, please quote their name in the reference section of the deposit slip as follows:  Sponsor – ………….. (name of animal you wish to sponsor).

For international money transfers, the Swift Code, Standard Bank physical and
postal address, and their contact details will also be required by your bank:

Branch name:  SEA POINT
Physical Address:  220 MAIN ROAD, SEA POINT, WESTERN CAPE, SOUTH AFRICA
Postal Address:  PO BOX 1, SEA POINT, CAPE TOWN, WESTERN CAPE, S.A.
Telephone (Local Customers):  0860101341
Telephone (International Customers):  +27 21 401 3396
Fax:  +27 21 439 9837

But wait! There’s more! DARG are also running programs to get your kids involved with the animals:

MORNING ‘HANDS ON’ ACTIVITIES
Fun for 8 – 12 year olds.
Come have fun with our dogs, puppies, cats, kittens, donkeys, rabbits, chickens, cows, pigs and sheep! Monday to Friday from 9am – midday starting 7 December. R50 per session.

AFTERNOON FUN DOG TRAINING
Fun for 13 – 15 year olds.
A six week course on Tuesdays from 3 – 4.30pm starting 8 December. R600 per course with a certificate on completion.

ALSO…* ELECTRIFYING ANIMAL WORKSHOPS IN 2010 *

NOAH’S MARATHON
Fun for 8 – 12 year olds
A stimulating year with different animal themes each month! Monthly prizes with one grand annual award for one 12 month learner. R200 per month of four sessions.

AFTERNOON FUN DOG TRAINING FOLLOW UP
For 13 – 15 year olds who complete the 6 week holiday dog training course.
Come further your dog training skills with jumps and tricks!!

BOOKING IS ESSENTIAL FOR ALL PROGRAMS.   CONTACT SONIA ON 072 181 5096

Seriously, it’s a great cause.

One more thing, they’re always looking for volunteers (something I’ll be contacting them to do at the beginning of next year) so contact them if you have the time or the inclination.

Oh, and if you have anything in your house that you don’t need anymore, they’ll be more than willing to take it off your hands and try and do something with it. Just give them a call.

Website (again in case you missed it up there)

Now we’ve all seen these before but I think my doctor, Dr. Maria Aisha, offers something that some of her male counterparts haven’t been able to…

That’s right. Results in just seven days AND a powerful Mexico herb from Jamaica! Unless you want your virginity back – you can get that in one day. How fabulous is that? I mean, I know how great it would be to have my virginity back so I can relive that whole awkward experience of “JESUS CHRIST WTF ARE YOU DOING? IMPALING ME?”.

You see, this is why I take pamphlets from those guys at robots. They’re just trying to earn some cash and, on occasions like these, I get to see what kind of specials my ‘Doctors’ are running. R50 for a consultation? Hell yeah.