Goblin Talk

Late January 2010:

Still have not managed to get tickets for Avatar. Everyone and their auntie’s goat are going to see it again and again. I must admit to being quite relieved about this as I read the script earlier today and I am left feeling quite unimpressed but not at all surprised. While Cameron has given us movies that were a staple of my childhood, I can’t help but think it’s because I saw them as a child that I have such a fondness for them. Except Terminator. The dialogue in that still plagues me in the dead of the night. At times I wake up in a cold sweat from the memory of terrible dialogue.

9 February 2010:

Just gotten off the phone with the overbearing tyrant a.k.a. mom. Apparently she has managed to acquire those tickets for Avatar. Including one for me. Oh dear.

15 February 2010 8:26 a.m. :

The fated day is upon us. Despite my objections, I have been unable to wriggle my way out of going with tonight. I shall endeavour to keep an open mind. It will be difficult but I will try.

16 February 2010 12:09 a.m. :

So…

I tried keeping an open mind.

I don’t think it helped much.

Whilst the story wasn’t nearly as bad as I had expected (they were very low expectations, I mean, seventh level of hell low) – they had cleaned up the script a little bit and the actors made all the difference. About halfway through though, when my mind started wondering purely because I was bored, I realised that perhaps I would appreciate the story more if they had just made a Dances with the Wolves/Pocahontas story and focused on the Native Americans. Once I had finished thinking this though, I focused back onto the screen for a couple of seconds before zoning out again and conversing with myself in my head – there was some or other tree hugging thing going on. It occurs to me that a few people came out and said that there was a great message about how we should take care of the planet and be careful of global warming and generally be, well, tree huggers. Not a bad message as far as movies go although I do feel that if you need a movie to tell you that then perhaps you should stop breathing and help the planet out by offing yourself.

Could I stop there? Unfortunately no. I was terribly bored you see. I mean, it was a 2 hour 41 minute movie with a very thin plot, there was time to think. In other words, on my conversation went.

The evil part of my brain made itself heard at this point. It made the very good point that they spent so much money making this movie that basically, everyone stopped counting at half a billion dollars. Isn’t that a slap in the face to the eco lovers? I mean, people will come out and love their plants and what not for a week afterwards, but over all will return to their lifelong habits because it’s convenient so the message will only stick with very few people. Meanwhile, that half a billion dollars could have been used for something worthwhile and significant.

Of course this isn’t really an argument I put much store in, I believe they can spend that money however the hell they want to. If they don’t want to donate the profits to an organisation or the Haiti relief or the Dead Panda’s Society, then I’m not going to throw a hissy fit over it.

Although, evil Tara does appreciate how they used a movie with a message like that to make a TON of cash. But then, that figures. I was at the wellness shop there in Cavendish before the movie yesterday and that place also makes a ton of cash off of people’s good intentions. There was a pack of 3 rolls of carlton towels/paper towels/whatever you call them for R110. In plastic packaging. Unfortunately, it seems that they were just regular paper towels and wasn’t made from mixing the pulp with mink faeces. I think I may just stick to getting them from Clicks.

Do you think evil Tara was finished? Oh no, not at all. She immediately began thinking of Star Wars. And the Nazis. I mean, remember in Star Wars, how the Death Star gets blown up with a LOAD of stormtroopers? They were just there doing a job. Sure, some might have believed in the cause but some may have just been too scared to join the rebellion and decided a stable, paying job in the all powerful empire was a better idea. (We’re pretending the excuse of the clone army didn’t happen here). For a more valid and real life example, let’s look at the Nazis. Some of those poor bastards had no other choice but to join up for Hitler’s little picnic. It was a case of either join up or be labelled a Jew sympathiser and die perhaps. Or there was the fact that people had families to take care of.

I thought about all that while watching the Marines get the shit kicked out of them really. I tend to do that. Those guys were just out there doing a job and following orders and being fed a bunch of shitty propaganda. Sure there was the one chick who said, Fuck This, but come on, realistically she would be court marshalled and probably sentenced for treason…perhaps worse. Of course she died a hero so it’s okay.

Told you I was bored. I had way too much time to think about crap.

All in all, story/dialogue could have been worse – it could have been as low as my expectations. That was a surprise. A welcome one though since the rest of it didn’t live up to the hype.

For weeks I’ve been told how fantastic the graphics are and how amazing the 3D is. Well, Dear Diary, after watching it I can’t help but wonder how much of that praise was down to the aforementioned hype. You see, I just wasn’t left in the throes of orgasmic wonder and I felt bitterly disappointed. I was led to believe this would be the one saving grace. It was like being told you’re getting the most wonderful chocolate cake ever only to be given a sugar free slab of something brown resembling cake, but not actually cake.

I will admit that they did a wonderful job in constructing this elaborate world. Cleverly, they had designed everything to be so alien that nothing really stuck out as it normally does. I mean, there was no point where you had a big flashing sign that pointed down saying, “Obvious Special Effects and CGI right here”. It was well done and I can appreciate that much, but I still expected…more.

I didn’t really see the big hoopla about the 3D either to be completely honest. I could have happily watched it in plain old 2D and still been left in as little awe as I was. It all just seems like a gimmick that everyone else can appreciate, but I just don’t get.

16 February 2010 8:12 a.m. :

I decided last night to go and sleep on it before wholly forming an opinion of the experience. I can’t say that it helped much. It did make me remember something though.

The whole Avatar experience reminded me of The Dark Knight and its release. Everyone praised that to the high heavens as well and that also left me feeling a little bit cold. So I’ve decided, there’s a lot of overhyping going on.

How can I not feel that way at this point? I was bored. If I wasn’t wide awake, I would have used the opportunity to catch up on sleep confident in the knowledge that if I ever wanted to know the story, I could just study up on the Native Americans and replace them with Smurfs in my head. I was underwhelmed by the graphics and the world. I was underwhelmed by the last 30 minutes which was supposed to be the one portion of the film that entertained me.

Overall, I felt cheated. I wanted to be proven wrong. I wanted to be able to go in there and have it really live up to all the expectations of those swearing that it is a fantastic visual feast.

It just didn’t.

At which point I really appreciated that I had kept my mind open because otherwise, I may have walked out to do something more interesting and entertaining.

I’m quite keen for the sequel though. You know, when humans come back with bigger ships and a bigger military force. Because come on, who are we kidding here, if that unobtainium is worth so much, we would go back. You know, like Iraq…and oil…

I can see why people enjoyed it though, don’t get me wrong. I can fully understand their appreciation for it and, well, good for them. I’m not going to go out in a bid to change their minds, although god knows, they’re going to go on and on at me about how I just “didn’t get it” or some other bullshit purely because it wasn’t my cup of tea. I’ve even been kind to the Boyf with it all. I mean sure, it was his fault I got dragged along (you’d swear he would have learnt his lesson about doing this after the fuck up that was the Matrix: Revolutions), but he’s fully welcome to enjoy it. Different folks, different strokes etc.

UPDATE: Voting is closed and the contest is at an end. Thank you to everyone who obliged, I’m sure Briget is very grateful for your support. According to the number of votes, she came out the winner in the end but we’ll have to wait and see what the official result is after the…problems with the Boys side of the contest.

You’ll notice a small (or not so small) addition to the side bar: The Nerdies 2010 girls finalists poll.

Take a second and cast your vote for the nerdiest chick (BecauseI) and the chick who pays me the most to do this (BecauseI). She is paying me quite a bit right now. Although, I can always be bought off to campaign for you with a puppy or two. Drop them off at my front door and I’ll have your back in no time.

Seriously though, if you haven’t, cast your vote. If you have…well then, er, well done for doing your part?

P.S. A vote for BecauseI is a vote for freedom, porn and puppies. I’m just saying.

P.P.S. I already know what you’re going to say. I’ve told you why.

Today I shall be emerging from my cocoon and flying off to hang out with the one and only sea monkey, Po.

If I don’t come back alive, we can assume that she isn’t as innocent as she seems

I’m sure she is though.

SERIOUS QUESTION TIME

I’m at home, have time to kill and am delving into new areas of interest all in the name of trying to find a path in life (I loathe to put it that way but in my half asleep state, that’s all that comes to mind). One of the ideas that has come up, quite often, from myself and others is to go a more technical route.

Thing is, I’m not really sure where to start.

So, to all developers, programmers, engineers etc…what programming languages can you recommend? Or hell, it doesn’t even have to be programming, I’m open at the moment. Any recommendations are welcome. Only thing is, it has to be something I can do cheap. Seriously.

And go.

Comment form is below.

Go go go.

Update: And the day just got even more awesome. Look what just arrived on my doorstep:

Image courtesy of Mike

Since we’re in South Africa and this will mean nothing to a lot of you, you’ll have to forgive me for today.

Back in the days of me actually having DSTV, I used to tune into CNBC on a nightly basis to catch the few weeks old episodes of The Tonight Show and Late Night. Leno and O’Brien rocked my little socks off.

Then the news came that Leno was moving to an earlier time slot and O’Brien was going to take over the Tonight Show and, well, Fallon was going to do Late Night. There was much patting on the back and congratulations all around. Yay NBC.

Now however, due to their affiliates seeing low ratings for their late local news broadcasts, they’ve decided to move Leno from the 10 p.m. slot into the 11:35 slot therefore pushing back the Tonight Show to midnight. That’s the basic story. If you want to read the whole thing, go here. In other words though, they’ve made a real dick move to bow to the pressure of their affiliates.

Conan then crafted a beautiful statement that basically says, “Fuck you, do what you will but I’m not moving and having the legacy of a show that’s run for decades ruined because you want to bow to some pressure”. My words, not his, but it is the gist of things.

Obviously, the time slot means absolutely nothing to me here. I don’t get NBC and I don’t watch the broadcasts live and all that jazz, but there is the principle. Networks continually forget the shows that helped them rise to where they are when it’s convenient for them and The Tonight Show is, quite frankly, one of those.

So yeah, selfish motives masked by careful words and false sentiments or not, I’m with Coco on this one. Because hell, I’ll even support the selfish motives. You’ve got to love a man with hair like that.

Oh and in local news, a shark attack happened. Apparently sharks just haven’t learnt yet that just because they have fins, teeth and gills, we are better than them and they shouldn’t attack us in their natural environment. Tsk. *le eye le roll*

As you can tell from the picture I’m talking about that New Moon movie all the girls are going on about. I was invited by a friend to go to one of the ’sneak preview’ nights that Ster Kinekor are running with New Moon. I’m not quite sure how it’s a sneak preview when you can just buy the tickets like you would at any other time but, whatever.

What the hell does me watching this movie have to do with this post’s title? The werewolves in the movie – duh. Sheesh, where have you been? I know 96 year old grandmothers in comas who know all about this series.

These werewolves are a group of strapping young lads who have been branded as the movie’s eye candy since they run around without shirts on – apparently, if they are wearing a shirt it promptly gets shredded into hundreds of tiny little pieces so they’ll never be tempted to put it on again. They definitely are eye candy though. A very nicely built group of…boys. I saw middle aged women fanning themselves over a 17 year old. That is a bit creepy yeah but before you feel completely iffy, remember how some of you lusted after the Olsen twins before they hit 18 – and you’ve been watching reruns of them when they were toddlers…that’s creepy man.

Of course a group of wolves with finely chiseled chests are about as far removed from that loveable 80’s classic, Teen Wolf, as peas are from Michael J. Fox’s fork. (Was that too low a blow?)

I’m not actually going anywhere with this line of thought by the way, it’s just something I thought of while watching the movie.

Ah, the movie.

Well, it was a the second movie in a paranormal romance series for young adults* with an awkward girl, vampires that kinda break the rules of what vampires are (i.e. they sparkle – did you see the sparkles I added to the picture???) and werewolves who are all descendants of (Native)** Americans.

Now let’s look at that again and let me point out the key element of that paragraph: “a paranormal romance series for young adults“*. Got that? Good, because it’s important. If you go in there expecting anything else you are going to be sorely disappointed. Unless of course you’re one of those people who want to go just so you can say how lame it is, then by all means feel free.

Let’s get the basics out of the way. I’ve read the books. I’ve enjoyed the books. I am not, by any means, obsessed with the books. When Twilight came out, I went to go and see it and I endured it. I didn’t expect it to be exactly like the books but quite honestly, it was a massive fuck up. Casting being their biggest error because now…we’re stuck with them.

Well…her.

Apparently they learnt from the rest of their mistakes because New Moon is a lot better. It’s amazing what getting rid of a crap director can do huh? Anyway, after the complaints from series fans over the last movie, New Moon has a story that is more true to that of the books. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s close. Of course, people are complaining about this too but hey, what do they care, they broke the Dark Knight’s one day box office record on opening day.

Also, the camerawork and effects are cleaner and more polished and overall, it’s a better film (like I already said).

They do still have the problem of the actors though. When Twilight first came out I was confused when I heard people say that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewert had amazing chemistry on screen – mainly because whenever she looked at him it was like she was barely tolerating his presence. These two just aren’t meshing well together as the characters…Rob looks bored with such a one-dimensional character (look agonised…okay now look agonised with a slight smile) and the actress playing Bella has apparently been replaced by a wooden plank. I’m sure Kristen Stewert is a lovely person and all but wow, the girl is just a terrible actress (in everything, not just this series. Seriously, I don’t know how she gets work sometimes.)

Also, did we absolutely require Dakota Fanning? Really? I mean, this was the first time I’ve ever seen her in a movie and she hasn’t screamed her little head off, but still.

So overall, I didn’t watch it expecting much and I knew it wasn’t going to be anything steller so I switched my brain off and just let myself enjoy it for the popular teenage sensation that it is. I might not have a greater insight into the meaning of life, but hell, I’m more relaxed so +1 there.

If you need a rating, I give it a 5/10. Completely average. If you’re curious, I gave Twilight a 4/10. And yet, I wouldn’t call them bad movies.

Now while I have your attention can someone please tell me what the fascination is with Robert Pattinson? I’ve really tried to work it out. I know a couple of people who think he is the bee’s knees and would love nothing better than to get on their knees for him, but I just don’t see it. Someone please fill me in.

*And adults who enjoy that kinda thing.

**Check how I put that in brackets? Yeah man. Technically they’re just Americans yeah? But if I put Americans there, no one would know that I meant slightly darker Americans with a fascinating culture who have been completely screwed over by the white man but don’t nearly as much recognition for it as the black man.