Goblin Talk

After much bitching and moaning from my readers this week (Hi Terrance), I’ve made sure I have a Fluck Fliday ready. This I had on Tuesday already. Yesterday a spanner got thrown into the work by my readers (Terrance) again – there was a demand that it be accountant themed.

As it turns out though, accountants aren’t regarded as the most exciting people on planet earth so after a  thorough search (about 2 minutes) the only thing I could come across was Accountant Sex and all that is, is extremely planned out formal sex.

Listen boys we really need to start changing the accountant stereotype. How am I supposed to do my job with material like that?

So after that massive disappointment, it’s back to my original plan me thinks. Don’t be concerned, my little friend Bobo isn’t.

Today’s official Fluck Fliday is (drumroll please)…Monkey Face.

It sounds so innocent and sweet, like this cute looking monkey to my left here. In fact, the term Monkey Face refers to

First of all you get ready to have some sex. These preparations require the penis bearer to shave his pubic hair off…and keep it. Then you do a little thrusting, whatever. A blowjob from the chosen cum receptacle would work best (I can’t say female because it might offend my gay readers and all). Once the penis bearer is close to ejaculation he will withdraw his penis from the mouth or other area and ejaculate his semen all over his partners face. Don’t just leave it there though because that would just be an everyday run of the mill money shot. What he now needs to do is throw the pubic hair he shaved off earlier onto the semen (on his partners face) and voila, you’re done. You have created art and made your partner look a bit like a monkey.

My mother would be so proud if she knew the kind of things I looked up for this.

And then it crashes and we aren’t terribly sad.

Listen, I’m not going to do a big thing about it all because it’s been done at great length today. I will give my two cents.

Lance – As a cyclist, I am already obliged to dislike him. Funnily enough, he actually appears to encompass all the qualities that makes me dislike cyclists. In this case it probably comes from some delusion of self importance caused by him winning that stupid cycling tour or being a uniball. Apparently being a uniball means you only have to obey half the rules. Har har. I’m terrible I know.

Julius – Oh Julius. Bru, you don’t do yourself any favours. I know you think you’re untouchable and you think that it’s great to speak from the heart (or whatever is currrently sitting where your heart used to be) but really, stop putting your foot in your mouth. It’s just embarassing now. And get a facial because you look far too old to be heading up the youth league.

Jub Jub – You fucking idiot. If it wasn’t bad enough for those of us who enjoy moving fast, you’ve gone and made it worse with fucking idiotic and irresponsible behaviour. Dicing in the middle of the afternoon while drunk? Awesome. You’re just an evolutionary loser you are. When driving fast you actually have to be more careful and responsible, I’m just saying.

And now in my life, I have recruited Richard (who is doing an amazing job at a whole lifestyle change and has lost 18kg so far) to be my Mr Miyagi…the second. So far he’s doing a wonderful job – he’s made me feel guilty at least three times today about things like the bread my sandwich was made out of and not eating breakfast. He’s also trying to get me to go hiking. Despite all this, I still love him dearly. But be less disappointed in me (Oh and bloody well done love, it’s amazing how well you’re doing).

I’m in lots of it.

I got moaned at today because I haven’t been updating. My oh my I’m terribly sorry. :/

I do read your stuff though, I just haven’t been a good little commenter. Again…I’m sorry. :/

(If I put in enough sad faces, will you forgive me?)

Last night was the Oscars. Again. Imagine that.

Despite what everyone thought, a little war movie, The Hurt Locker, stopped that bigass waste of money, Avatar, from getting Best Picture and Best Director. Sure Avatar won some other awards but it’s the Best Picture one that is always so coveted. All I can say about this is that FINALLY! THE ACADEMY GOT IT RIGHT! It rarely happens. In fact, I’m still all sour about that award going to suicide boy last year (you know….what’s his name…Keith…something )

Then I watched Sherlock Holmes. Hmm. I wasn’t terribly impressed. In fact, I found it rather predictable. I was going to write why here but then I realised that it’s possible that some of you haven’t seen it. Overall, it’s good fun and it’s nicely close enough to being Holmes while having that Guy Richie touch.

Work is rocking my world. I love the environment, I love the guys working there and I love what I’m doing. I’m getting to push myself to try and achieve perfection and that’s always fun. Challenges, I embrace thee! I swear I’m not just saying this because my boss knows where my blog is. P.S. Thanks Boss man for letting us leave early on this hotter than hell day. It was super appreciated when I got to come home, have a cold shower and lie in front of the fan.

In other awesome news, the puppy ban has been lifted. The Boyf has decided that now is a good time to get one so we just have to sort out the formalities like writing a letter to the building’s trustees, although I’ve spoken to the chairlady and she has told me it won’t be a problem. Then we have to select a breed. Oh my. It will be a small dog but we’re really having trouble deciding. We do know that a Pug is definitely out because of how much they shed (not because some people regard them as ugly – you fascist bastards).

And finally, I declared war on my neighbour. She decided that 8a.m. on a Saturday morning was the perfect time on the one day I can sleep late to have her kids screaming their heads off right outside our bedroom window – a not easily accessible area on the property.

Seriously, you force me to update and you’re going to get crap I do have things set up properly now so I should be getting back to daily, or at least every second day, postings.

I don’t have much time before I have to go and play some Quake. I’m having withdrawl symptoms from working all week

Really, this week was awesome. I’m enjoying the new job loads and I find myself feeling at home quite quickly.

As for the lack of posts, well, I’m getting used to the whole working all day thing again so by the time I get home I don’t really feel like coming up with something to say…even uninteresting like this

It’ll get better

I’ve always felt that Whitesnake are underrated as a band. The same can be said for the Pet Shop Boys.

The funny thing is…when I say such things, people tell me I’m showing my age – a rather unladylike thing apparently. Of course that is the point at which I remind people that I’m 25 so they’re talking absolute shite.

This might seem like it has nothing to do with anything today and I just happened to be listening to Whitesnake at the moment…but you’d be wrong.

You see, Whitesnake created one of my all time favourite songs – Here I Go Again On My Own. (The capital letters are completely justified I assure you). It just so happens that this song is particularly relevant this week.

Tomorrow I start a new job.

Just digest that for a minute.

Now say it with me: “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.”

See why the song is relevant? No? Oh. Well, bugger off then and let me sing it on my own if you’re going to be difficult.

So what happened is this. After last weeks nagging, a lovely person happened to see the post and contacted me to let me know they had an opening and asked me to come in for an interview – which apparently went well despite my ever present foot in mouth disease.

To that person, I know I’ve already said it a few times but really, thank you.

I am beyond nervous – I mean, it’s a new job after all. I’m sure I can do it and everything but still, nervous to the max. More importantly, I am also SO FREAKING EXCITED. It’s entirely possible that if you come near me, you’ll feel me vibrating from all the excitement. Erm. Mind out of gutter please. That’s a purely innocent form of excitement.