The end of a love affair

If you’ve known me for a while now, you’ll know that I absolutely adore Top Gear…unless you’re terribly dense, then I’m sorry and should I get someone to assist you with breathing? While my love for the show does actually have something to do with the fact that bloody good cars make me squirm with delight, I will admit to also adoring the show’s presenters…mainly old Jeremy Clarkson (despite what he does or doesn’t allow near lighthouses).

Jeremy is fabulous. Fact. He has written some lovely columns over the years and those that have been collected and published as books always make for awesome reading. My mother used to agree with this. Up until yesterday, you could call her Jeremy’s number 1 fan – avoiding becoming his number 1 stalker only because she lives here in SA. Of course, she’s still a fan but maybe only number 2 or 3 now.

So what happened yesterday? What terrible deed did Jeremy commit to make her love wane? Well, I’m not sure exactly but the phone call I received last night went like this (edited slightly to remove the times I had to repeat myself 5 times due to my mother’s hearing going out the window when she feels like it):

*ring ring*

Me: Helloooooo

Mom: Hello darling. You know I agree with Jeremy on so many things and he’s normally so good about this type of thing but he’s gone and given in.

Me: *confused silence* Er…what?

Mom: I was just reading the book and…by the way you still have the others right? You mustn’t forget to give them to me.

Me: No, I threw them away in a fit of drug induced lunacy.

Mom: Ag no tots, why would you do that?

Me: Um. I’m kidding. Yes we still have them.

Mom: Oh I see. So I was reading the one and he’s given in.

Me: So you said, to what exactly?

Mom: In the one article he’s gone and spelt computer program as P-R-O-G-R-A-M.

Me: Um…but that’s how you spell it.

Mom: No no, it’s always been P-R-O-G-R-A-M-M-E.

Me: No that’s how you spell programme when you get one from the theatre or something. A computer program has always been with one M and no E.

Mom: No it’s not! That’s the Americanisation and Jeremy’s gone and given in, without even knowing no doubt.

Me: But…

Mom: No. The Queen’s English way of doing things has always been with the M and the E.

Me: Oh alright then. Jeremy has committed a great evil then and we should burn him at the stake.

Mom: I wouldn’t go that far but yes I thought you’d like to know that. Okay, love you darling, bye.

*click*

And that is just one example of the strange phone calls that occur between us. Notice how I gave in before while I still thought she was insane? Yes, I do that quite often. It’s simply easier that way otherwise I spend an hour going in circles.

Maddeningly, I went to look it up and it turns out that she may have been correct. I can be forgiven for this grave injustice at least since I have grown up with the “Americanised” version. Jeremy however, should be ashamed…apparently. Isn’t it sad when we start seeing the flaws in those we love?