Put your big girl panties on

‘Tis the season ladies and gents.

The very merry season in fact. Lots of you are going to be running around like headless chickens from one party to the next whilst being offered the best social lubricant of them all – an almighty alcohol laden beverage of some time. After all, nothing makes it easier to hook up with that gorgeous little shy techie boy that you’ve been pining over since he started.

But then you’ll act like a douche because you’ve had just one too many.

Now I don’t normally do this, but I was intrigued by this campaign. Also, Heineken just happens to be the Boyf’s favourite beer so we’re not at all opposed to free six packs around here guys. I’m just saying. Something to consider in the future.

Er…what was I saying?

Oh yes. Campaign. It’s pretty cool. It’s the Heineken – Know the Signs II campaign.

Apparently last year they first ran with this idea and decided to continue it this festive season as part of their global responsible drinking campaign. My god but they’ve done it well. I am absolutely loving the Know the Signs site despite it being a Flash nightmare. Flash for an entire site is bad mmkay. *waves at the Heineken marketing department*

The site and the campaign is all about raising greater self-awareness among drinkers out there that often enjoy going over the top. Hell, I can certainly think of a few and sometimes, it really does just ruin the night. Heck, I’ve done it too.

Now this is where it gets fun.

Once you’re pissed, you don’t really act like yourself. Actually most of the time, you act like a royal douche. This doucheness can come in seven flavours:

First up we have The Crier!

This lovely person will cry about anything and everything that is presented to them.

A cute puppy giving you great big puppy dog eyes? They’ll cry.

A trip back in time to when Ginger Spice walked away from the Spice Girls at a very crucial time? They’ll cry.

Their mom died? They’ll cry…although that’s probably legitimate.

Don’t be ashamed, it’s legitimate. Apparently, if you’re American or Canadian you’re likely to be a crier. Before you start belittling the Yanks though, they actually don’t have the highest figures. That honor goes to the Hungarians with 27% of people admitting to being a crier.

Although only 5% of Russians admit to being The Crier, 46% see it in their friends so really, we South Africans could be the worst offenders, who knows

The Exhibitionist

That’s what that lad up there in pink is. This is the archetype most often seen around the world and, a group I will admit to falling into. Sober, I’ll probably sit there and creep you out with how quiet I can be in a crowd but hell, give me a few drinks and I want to be the centre of the attention. It’s often not pretty at all. You think you’re being awesome and fun, everyone else thinks you’re being an absolute cockhat.

The Fighter

We all know one of these. The person who lets out their inner Rocky and is just itching to start something with anyone. If it’s a chick, run and hide because she’ll probably rip your head off. Again, the Hungarians are most willing to admit to being this type of boozer.

The Flirt

Does this need explaining? I mean come on, we all know those people who have a few drinks and decide they’re Casanova. Probably one of the more dangerous types since it can lead to all sorts of morning after regrets. Don’t tell me that’s not true when you wake up without your beer goggles next to Shamu the Whale.

The Groper

I find it funny that the Groper’s colour is orange, I must remember to tell a certain someone that.

No one wants to admit to being the Groper but I’m sure you can name at least one. Lads, if it’s one of your lady friends, don’t purposely get her drunk so she’ll touch your pole – that’s not cool.

The Sleeper

Just…so…tired…can’t…stay…awake…

The Stumbler

This is the dude that will walk around bumping into everyone and everything, quite often becoming a bit of a hazard. One wrong stumble and he could take someone else down and hurt them pretty badly.

This probably is the group I fall into after the Exhibitionist. Hell, I’m clumsy when I’m awake, it’s only natural that alcohol would enhance that particular trait instead of, say, my fabulous sense of humor.

So don’t be a class A douche this festive season. It may seem funny or entertaining at the time, but you’re just killing the fun for everyone else.

Seriously guys, free beer yeah?

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