Dick Gnome

You’re going to see a lot more of these around tonight. Schools broke up for the December holidays today and there are going to be Dick Gnomes all over the place getting drunk and acting cool until you try and stick it in her ass and she’s all, “I’m only 15, I’m only 15!” (You get a prize if you can tell me where that’s from)

We’ll talk about my scorn of underage girls and their fuck ups another time though. For now, I suppose I should give you an actual definition for what the fuck a Dick Gnome is.

Basically it’s someone who always has their hands down a dude’s pants, hell, it can even be your own pants if you happen to have the right appendage. If you didn’t then you’d be a Taco Gnome…or a Clam Gnome…or perhaps just a gynaecologist.

Encountering a Dick Gnome is not entirely unpleasant. They’ll certainly play with your manly bits but, if inexperienced, they could do some damage on the way down. If you expect to engage with one, you should probably trim those pubes of yours and consider avoiding pants that have zippers in case things get a bit raunchy.

Probably not something to do in polite company either.

If you’re interested, there’s also something known as a Dick Goblin. Similar thing to the Dick Gnome, but the Goblin doesn’t waste time with pants and prefers to spend a lot of their time with a penis in their mouth.

And before you ask, no, I’m not a Dick Goblin…I’m a Goblin who’s a Dick.

Related posts:

1. Whisker Muffin