Aren’t all those little dots pretty? I like them, well, except for their colours…technically. All those colours are the result of searching for the colour of guilt. After all, jealousy has a colour, love has a colour, purity has a colour…why not guilt. While I’m sure there is a universal idea out there of what colour it should be, I found it interesting that many people have varying ideas on what colour guilt should be.
If you think about it, it does make sense though. Everyone feels guilt for different reasons and in varying degrees, hell, some people never feel guilty at all no matter what. Unfortunately, I’m at the other end of the guilt scale and feel guilty about almost everything.
Right now, the biggest reason for my constant guilt is being at home. While I know I didn’t quit my job without consulting the Boyf or seeing how he’d feel about it, I feel guilty about not continuing to be unhappy and underpaid on a sinking ship. While I know that I’m doing everything I possibly can to bring in some money, I feel guilty about not bringing in more. While I’m looking everywhere and tapping all connections, I feel guilty about not having a full time stable job again. While I know that I am happier on the whole and the Boyf is happier since he no longer has a pissed off girlfriend every night, I feel guilty about being happier.
And then I get pissed off about feeling guilty…and feel guilty for being pissed off about it because, in my mind, I think I should be feeling guilty. How is that for insane? I’m doing everything I can and yet I still need me to feel guilty. It happens because it’s tapped into this wonderful strong sense of responsibility thing that I have though. And I hate it.
There is nothing more that I would like to do than to not feel responsible for anything and everything at some point. That would be the most awesome holiday ever.
This whole guilt thing leads to interesting outcomes though. Right now I’m looking at putting my finger in various pies. I’m a serial pie fingerer. Tara is embarking on a road of splitting her time between learning game development, java programming, web design, marketing and writing. Seriously. That’s just setting something up for failure isn’t it? To be fair, half of those weren’t my idea and I’m trying to find a way to say no without being a dick.
On the lighter side of things, I think the Boyf klapped me in his sleep last night. My nose is mightily tender this morning. Unless I did it to myself…
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I note that science is not amongst your “potential failures of the future”. That’s a good thing.
Even when you succedd in this business, you fail.
Oh – and the klap in the sleep ain’t all that bad: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/nov/17/husband-strangled-wife-during-nightmare
6000´s last blog ..In My Eyes
Woo for my spelling.
Woo for your formatting.
6000´s last blog ..In My Eyes
I get the guilt. Raised Catholic, you see. If I surprise myself by not feeling guilty about something, I immediately feel guilty for not feeling guilty. And so I establish a weird and probably unhealthy balance
I reckon guilt would be gold. Oh wait… that’s gilt. Maybe yucky murky greyish brown.
Shame would be salmon.
Hello guiltness my old friend…
I carry so much guilt around I think it has its own organ. But there is no point saying don’t feel it cos it has a mind of its own.
It’s funny about the colours. When I lived in Italy, I discovered that their colours were different to ours. Jealousy, for example, was yellow.
I’m with Tamara – guilt is a murky greyish brown.
DelBoy´s last blog ..Rugby blues
Guilt if it was a colour would be brown.. because it is a seriously shitty feeling and quite frankly stupid.
The only people who actually feel guilty are normally considerate people who care too bloody much and the assholes out there who should feel guilty for the shit they do couldnt care less..
So brown it is..
Briget´s last blog ..Sea Shell Shwim on the Shea Shore..
6k – Science? Tsk. That failure rate just doesn’t suit me
Tamara – The brown sounds right. I laughed at the salmon for shame thing though because it immediately made me think of some of those guys who walk around in salmon coloured shirts with popped collars. I mean, I’d certainly be ashamed if I walked around like that so that definitely fits.
Del – I’ve always felt that yellow is a deceiptful colour. It comes across as unassuming and then BAM. I’m glad to see the Italians have discovered it’s secret
B – Ha! Love the description. And you’re right, it is stupid. If only it would bugger off when you tell it that though.
Po Po – You are jacks all consuming liver of guilt? Ag yar. We be fucked.