I still love Captain Kirk

Say what you will about the man but William Shatner was one fine looking man back in the day. In fact, he’s still kind of good looking for a geriatric. That combined with his sense of humour,  huge amount of cock…iness and the fact that he’s CAPTAIN BLOODY KIRK means I would consider helping out the aged a bit.

I know, I know. If I want Captain Kirk there’s a new tasty model out. Oh and he is very tasty that young Chris Pine. But I’m a traditionalist when it comes to my Captains.

All that is not what Fridays are about though. Fridays are about imagining filthy filthy things and being scarred by those mental images. Sometimes, it’s even about learning something that you’ll take home and try out later – hopefully with a real person this time and not Sally, your plastic roommate.

Today, it’s about being scarred.

I actually had a really tough time decided today, so much so that I’ve actually got next weeks FF covered too. For the first time in history, I’m kind of prepared.  Unfortunately, I still had too much I wanted to include and so today you’re getting a two for one special.

First up we’ve got a homage to the man himself, the Captain Kirk.

So how would you achieve pulling off a Captain Kirk? Well, all you have to do is masturbate in your own little private area (or public if you really feel the need I suppose) and skip the clean up phase that normally follows. Now if you’ve done it correctly, this should mean you have a hand full of your unborn children. You then take that hand and smear it all over an unsuspecting victim’s face.

This is probably a great way of getting revenge for something terrible, like, if someone tried to share your food.

That was the tame part of today’s lesson. If you have an aversion to faeces, you should probably leave now. No? Okay.

Our main attraction today is the Cleveland Steamer.

A Cleveland Steamer is an act for the scatalogically inclined. However, you can do it with different intentions.

Either:

You take a dump on a lovers chest while or before humping her melons (if that partner is a female.) That’s all it is.
The steamer part is that it could be steaming from the freshness if the outside temperature is just right. The Cleveland part probably comes from the brown stripe left behind which resembles the brown stripe on the orange Cleveland Browns American Football Helmet. If you squish it down and then you squirt your manly juices on it for syrup, it becomes a “Boston Pancake”. Can’t help you with the origin of Boston in reference to that act.

Or, you can use it as a breakup technique. Wait for your partner is fast asleep and then leave them with a lovely surprise to wake up to in the morning. No sex needs to be involved if this is the path you’re choosing. Also, could lead to lawsuits being filed or arrests being made.

And with that, I wish thee a pleasant Friday that will lead you to a wonderful weekend.