Giving issues to the entire animal kingdom

It seems we aren’t content enough to destroy our own offspring and have decided to move on to other species after a few people at the London Zoo have left two ittle bittle flamingo chicks with a phobia of the colour pink.

Yeah for real.

There are these two chicks there named Little and Large, very original names, and they’re being hand reared because they’re orphans or something I guess. Unfortunately, they tried to hand rear them using a pink sock puppet, you know, to imitate adult flamingos. Instead they just ended up traumatising the birds and now they’re hoping and praying that they get over their little phobia by the time they develop their bright colouring.

I know what the problem is though. The puppet they’re using is all wrong.*

If I saw that coming at me, I’d be terrified too. Maybe it’s the cowboy    hat, I dunno, but it’s terrifying. I’m feeling bad for the size of the puppet too right now though. Maybe it gets bigger when excited but right now it’s looking like it spends life being very depressed. Maybe that’s why it dresses up in gay cowboy outfits.

Seriously though, can we stick to fucking up our own kids? Leave the rest of the species on the planet to figure out how to cause self hatred on their own.

In other news, the latest season of Top Gear kicked off with Michael Schumacher making an appearance, I’m assuming because he’s a fame whore and Ferrari probably wouldn’t let the series have the car without him driving it. In a fabulous attempt at misdirection they then unmasked the German Strudel as the Stig.

Of course watching the episode you can see they’re taking the piss. Then again, without even watching it you can figure out they’re just taking the piss if you have half a brain.

Knobby the gay cowboy puppet over here has a better chance of being the almighty Stig.

*Obviously this is not the real puppet. If you thought it was. You have issues.

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