It's aggravating

My dad is a twat. This isn’t personal opinion. This isn’t something that upsets me. This, is just a fact. The man is irresponsible, selfish, mean spirited and all those other wonderful qualities which should have disqualified him from being able to have kids. Funny thing is, it could be worse, he could have been an alcoholic or a wife beater or all those wonderful things that some men turn out to be, because really, with his qualities, he’s just like another sibling for us, an older brother to buy us booze and cigarettes when we were under age.

So with all his selfishness over the years and denying me the oppurtunity to know what it would be like to have a father that gives a damn, I feel quite annoyed at myself when I feel bad that we may have hurt him a little bit.

Last night was a good example. The Boyfriend and I decided we were far too lazy to braai like we told my parents we might be doing, so all we were going to do was get ourselves food and then light a fire anyway to sit next to because well, pyromaniacs, hello. I phoned my dad to tell him that we weren’t doing the braai thing and I was met with this very disappointed and saddened response. Now we get to the aggravating part. I got off the phone and turned to The Boyfriend and I said, “I feel bad now”. It irritates me that I feel bad about this in the same way that I would feel bad letting down a child. I shouldn’t feel bad in any way and yet, I do. Everyone around me at the moment is telling me to go over to Australia as soon as possible and avoid the mess that’s going to be happening here. I can’t bring myself to do it, not only because I feel I should help out my mom, but also because I feel I should help support my dad, who would in no way do the same thing for me, he never has. You have no idea how much this irritates me.

We called him back last night and insisted he come over and braai some sausage and sandwiches. He sounded much happier. I was still irritated.

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