Under Pressure Pressure Pressure

Once upon a time there was a young princess.

Well, everyone was young once so it’s not really lying to call her young even though technically she is now…in her late twenties. Princess is also pushing it a bit far too since princesses don’t work and have servants and she definitely does work and does not have servants – except for that one known as her Boyf…

Anyway, once upon a time there was a young to late twenties princess or ordinary girl, it’s your choice, who was delicately blowing things up on the internet one wintery afternoon when *BANG* the evil witch arrived to bring a curse upon her beautiful country.

Or really, her mother came to visit and decided to talk about children.

Now my mom knows how I feel about the prospect of breeding but we just happened to be talking about the Boyf and I getting a pupperoo eventually (we’re on a waiting list okay). At some point I mentioned how I need a furbaby around because they’re psychologically soothing for me etc etc – at which point she said that babies are the same.

Wait what? That’s the best opening in the conversation you could find to fit in your desire to have grandchildren?

I was then treated to an hour long lecture on how great I would be as a parent (precisely because I don’t see the point of breeding because the world is so shit and my genetics are fucked apparently). Yippee.

Immediately after this, I then got a lecture about what we’re going to do with the dog all day once we get it and other such questions – this really didn’t make sense to me however since if she reckons we could afford an eating, crapping, sleeping machine (baby) and not some kind of method to babysit the dog.

To all of this I say, go and harass my brother. He’s 33 now, he should have the kids.

To all of this the Boyf said, “Jesus, she’s being a bit selfish isn’t she? Wants grandkids at the expense of our freedom and ability to buy our gadgets”.

He really does make me laugh.

Posted in The Gobz | 8 Comments

Gaming Round Up

This past weekend was QuakeCon. While it would have been so awesome to actually BE at the convention over in the States, we were able to catch most of the actual gaming action via the various live feeds people had going and it was MAGIC.

The duel competitions are by far the most popular – they are a platform where skill, precision and tactics really matter. We were definitely not disappointed. All the way through the early rounds, we saw some great matches. We saw the fan favourite, Cooller, have to claw his way up through the brackets again to reach the final. We saw a disappointing exit by rapha and strenx. Most importantly, we saw the most amazing grand final between Cooller and Cypher. Listen, I’m not kidding, I stayed up until 5a.m. on Sunday morning to watch that grand final and it was SO WORTH IT. While I admit I’m not the biggest follower of the tournaments and I don’t often watch the matches between the big boys, I was so impressed by this final. These two played some of the best Quake I’ve ever seen and they both definitely deserved to be there.

There was a bit of an upset though as on the fifth and final map, with both boys having won two maps each, Cypher took an insane and surprising frag in the last minute, securing a win and upsetting a large portion of Cooller fans. Cooller himself looked shocked as we briefly saw him walk across the stage to congratulate Cypher and, hell, who can blame him.

I know most of you have no idea what I’m talking about and this will mean nothing but I’ve included the video of that ZOMG Frag anyway.

Videos and more gaming shizz after the jump – because I try to stop this main page from taking years to load.

Over here. Click me, right here. CLICK ME FUCKER

Posted in Geeky Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Do you ever get the feeling…

That this is what the people in your life are actually like?

I do. Quite often actually. On days like today it really pisses me off.

Considering how most people in my life seem to live in a bubble of self-involvement, I reckon today it’s my turn. Feelings and thoughts I’ve had lately:

  • I really resent my parents and the position they place me in sometimes. I resent the responsibility they have always forced on my shoulders whilst behaving like children themselves. I resent them for never allowing me to live my life without some kind of interferance.
  • I feel guilty for the resentment I feel.
  • I’m tired. Tired of having no real direction. Tired of hiding. Tired of blowing my fucking nose. Just plain tired.
  • I know who I am. I know the perception people have of who I am. They’re completely different and I’m not sure if I can bring them together. I don’t like trying to fulfil that false expectation and yet I still do anyway.
  • I discovered a regret. I don’t believe in having regrets because everything that has or hasn’t happened in your life leads to where you are now – often stronger and wiser. Despite this, I have a regret: That I never took drama more seriously and that I never pursued it with more conviction.
  • I need to start so many things but I just can’t find the motivation to do it. Fuck.
  • My bestest keeps telling me to go to a shrink and get put on drugs. I’m not going to. Still don’t believe in those drugs.
  • How many of these things comes down to an unbelievably poor self image? The relationship with food certainly does but what about the rest?
  • I would really like to turn down the volume in my head. There are too many thoughts shooting off in a thousand directions. Want quiet.

The list goes on. It all can be summed up in one word though: Fuck.

Who would like to distract me and hit me with a confessional? It’s Monday. We do this on Mondays now.

Posted in The Gobz | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Fluck Fliday: Fun with Water Balloons

Water BalloonWater gives life. It’s all around us and we need it to live. Balloons meanwhile provided us with giggles and fun and something to scare our pets with (don’t do that, it’s cruel). To show our appreciation, we’ve come up with acts and named them in honour of water and balloons.

We’re bloody terrible sometimes you know that? I was truly stunned by how many disgusting things the term “Water Balloon” describes. I’m not even including them all here, just some of my favourites.

Our first deviant act involves anal penetration (have you noticed that so many of these do? Anal is bad mmkay?). What happens is simple. A guy will get his thing on with the ass of someone or something else – hey, I don’t know what you’re into but it’s wrong if it has four legs. Once the penis is all the way in there, the guy will begin to urinate and continue until he is relieved thus filling the anal cavity and creating a ‘water balloon’.

The next deviation of our beloved water balloon will require the penis being inserted at the other end – say hello to a perty little mouth because that’s what you want. Your partner needs to fill their mouth completely with water until they look a bit like a chipmunk. You then insert your penis and he or she will give you a loving blowjob. You then need to caress the back of their throat with your sparkling love juice – i.e. ejaculate. Once your moment of bliss is over, remove your penis and quickly give your partners cheeks a big smack and pop that water balloon. You’ll probably get your ass kicked afterward.

Then there is the final water balloon. Imagine you’re going to town on a girl. You’re stroking your penis in and out in a responsible way because you’re wearing a condom. Good man. Once you reach the pinnacle of your performance and your penis has stopped twitching, pull out, remove the condom and slap her in the face with it. This will also probably lead to an ass kicking.

And now in the spirit of all this stroking…

Have an awesome long weekend guys. Stroke it to the east, stroke it to the west and remember who you love the best. It’s going to be some StarCraft for me – hopefully.

Posted in Fluck Fliday | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

You’re not that important

With the arrest of The Times journalist Mzilikazi wa Afrika yesterday, concerns have been raised about press freedom, freedom of speech and other niggly little things that we take for granted. (Edit: Especially since he is being held by police after the case has been thrown out of court. Claims of Detention without Trial are the order of the day on Twitter) (Edit Edit: The Hawks spokesperson came out and said wa Afrika will be in court tomorrow. Basically, no one knows what the fuck is going on. Stay tuned for more confusion)

Now this may make me unpopular considering the fact that the South African twittersphere went befuck over all this yesterday and were in full on Chicken Little mode.

This incident highlighted plans that the ANC want to push forward: Having a media tribunal and the proposed Protection of Information bill – which, while in theory could do some good, will most likely be abused to protect the corrupt.

While I do feel what the ANC is doing is wrong, I’m not surprised. They are a party that have always favoured communist ideals – but not in it’s purist sense because that would mean giving up their luxuries, so basically everyone in the country would have to share except those big boys.

Now let’s look at the current communist states: China, Cuba, North Korea, Laos and Vietnam.

China – The government has a policy of censoring the internet and other media on a routine basis to silence any criticism of the government. Just look at the recent Google nonsense.They have the biggest prison in the world for journalists.

Cuba – Second biggest prison in the world for journalists. If you don’t know about their other human rights violations to silence opposition and criticism, you need to come out of your little bubble.

North Korea – Do I really need to say anything? Sigh. The media is strictly controlled by the government. Only news that paints the current regime in a good light is allowed. What makes them really interesting is that their constitution provides for freedom of speech, much like ours, but the government gets to choose when they want to prohibit these rights.

Laos – All newspapers are published BY the government. Oh dear.

Vietnam – What a surprise, their media is controlled by the government to make sure it follows the official communist blah blah blah.

So now, why would you be surprised that a government who has always favoured the ideals of communism and socialism (but try and implement them like every other power hungry politician ever has) would follow suite and want to have the same control? We have the nationalisation of our mines on the table, why not try the media censorship thing next?

I’m also going to slip into conspiracy theorist mode for a second here. Isn’t it far too convenient that the journalist arrested was in fact fired once before by the Sunday Times for bringing their credibility under dispute? You just know that will be brought up by the government and it will lend it’s own credibility to their plans.

Here’s the really bad news for you. The rest of the world doesn’t care.

While it’s extremely unlikely that the world would let this country get as bad as Zimbabwe, no matter how much JuJu idolises Mugabe, when it comes to things like censorship and press freedom, they aren’t that concerned when there is other bigger news to report on.

A good example is Selebi and his trial. Our own media claims that it garnered plenty of international coverage. You know what, in certain elite circles it may have, but speaking to many of those overseas, no such news makes it in newspapers.

What I’m really trying to say with all of this is that we’re probably on our own here. We have to fight this battle ourselves. We can’t depend on ill-conceived campaigns of joining some facebook group and just voicing our dissatisfaction from the comfort of our desks – if this is something that goes further then we have to do things the African way – strike, toyi-toyi and make one hell of a racket until we get noticed.

Posted in Brain Farts | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments